Meet Ship's Captain, the first openly gay horse to compete in a major race. Rumors have swirled around a number of famous horses since time immemorial, but since they chose not to disclose their sexual leanings, other homosexual horses, including plough horses and ponies, have had to remain in the closet. (That must be one huge closet!) Thank heavens that horses who love horses of the same sex can now love openly, and without shame.
What with hurricanes and tornadoes scaring the bejeezus out of everyone, meteorologists are chasing that next big news story that will make them feel relevant. The solution? Report on "an extremely brisk Autumn" filled with loads of "crunchy leaves" and kids out playing ball in "extremely moderate weather."
Miley Cyrus, Zac Efron, Hilary Duff. That's how you know them, but to the scientists at Disney's Genetic Engineering Lab where child stars are produced, they're referred to as 6831-A, B, and C. You see, at the Disney lab, their brains were engineered for dancing and singing and their looks tweaked from the same genetic structure.
In addition to teaching women the crucial skill of "shitting themselves thin," Cosmopolitan magazine has been there for women for by teaching them how to please men in every way, shape, form, and permutation you can imagine. (Cuz, like, that's our duty in life, got it?) Well, you can't say trashy-ass Cosmo hasn't been consistent. It was, after all, "founded to make sure men get all the pleasure they can that is humanly possible."
Remember fake Darrin (Bewitched) and fake Jan (Brady Bunch)? The Onion's AV Club reminded me of what they called
"jarring cases of recast roles" in sitcoms. So I dug up this gem of a video — "fake Jan" on a short-lived (and ill-conceived) Brady Bunch variety hour.
