The dude I love to hate,
Steve Seagal, acts like a big tough guy. His running style, though? Looks like he's about to leap into Mikhail Baryshnikov's arms.
Steven Seagal and Kelly LeBrock, the pillow-lipped model-turned-actress of Weird Science fame, filmed some really weird shorts produced by Paramount for some now-defunct show called The One Hour Presentation. Here, Steven and Kelly (while they were still married) provide a cheese-tastic instructional video on how to open a bottle of wine properly. Apparently, it involves treating it like a phallic object and pretending that you're both in a porno.
Let's start our weekend off right with some Zen wisdom from the sage-like
Steven Seagal, shall we? I would make a joke about how he appears to burp midwisdom, but I'm afraid he might pick me up and throw me in the water. (Thanks,
Stupid Videos!)
As with all things
The Onion, I had to make sure this was for real.
IMDB says it's in production, but I wouldn't be surprised if the joke doesn't turn out to be on me. Having said that, how awesome would Steven Seagal in Cockpuncher be?!
