gigglesugar -- Byte-sized comedy.

Flashback: Before "Douchebag" Was an Insult...

GiggleSugar — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 01:00:00 -0800

And talking to your mom about cleaning out your girl parts with "Effectol" was not considered creepy. "For a clean, fresh feeling of gentle, effective douching..."

Squint If You Love David Beckham

GiggleSugar — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 13:00:00 -0800

Now this is my kind of eye exam! Your eyes aren't deceiving you — that's His Royal Hotness himself, David Beckham. We thought two could play the game of objectifying the human form. We see enough of the feminine version (see below) — why not the masculine? Rrreow!

Flashback: Arrid Fights Your "Sex Perspiration"

GiggleSugar — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 04:00:00 -0800

I wonder if the physiology info in this 1963 Arrid ad still holds water. Basically, it says that women have two kinds of perspiration, one from physical exertion, and the other from, well, horniness. (The kind Arrid takes care of.) It seems to me they were just banking on the shame of women who didn't want anyone to see that their sexuality was showing. "You don't wanna be a sweaty ho, do you now?" the ad seems to ask. Something tells me that the hoo-ha flashers of today wouldn't give a damn.

Source

More News on the Virgin Who Wants to Auction Off Her Virginity

GiggleSugar — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 07:00:00 -0800

Um, when is she actually gonna do this? I've been overly judgmental about Natalie Dylan, the virgin who is auctioning off her virginity. So before I transfer my judgment to icky Mr. Burns, let me say this: of course she has a right to do it, whether it's because she wants to test the politics of prostitution, for the dough, or because it gets her off. I love how, when the 59-year-old Burns is introduced, the audience doesn't know whether to clap or boo. Sorry, but can you imagine losing your virginity to a dude old enough to be your grandfather? Tyra was surprisingly lucid and hilarious in this clip when she said, "You look like my accountant!" Opinions? I know you have them!

Virgin For Sale: Update

GiggleSugar — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 11:00:00 -0700

The latest on the virginity sales front: Natalie Dylan, the 22-year-old woman who put her deflowering up for auction, has received offers up to $3.8 million. But she'd be willing to settle for a cool mil if the guy "seems intelligent." Riiight. Listen, I know you want your first time to be special and all but how can I put this . . . the random perv bidding on you is ~~probably~~ definitely not Prince Charming. I'm pretty sure Prince Charming didn't have to drop six figures to get laid.

Source

What Men Hear When You're Talking...

GiggleSugar — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 08:00:00 -0700

You may be saying, "Honey, it's your turn to take out the trash," but he hears, "Hockey jungle sex three-way." This amusing video takes stereotypes too far, though. The first thing a man wants to hear, supposedly, is "cheese nachos." I can say with certainty that's a gender-neutral wish, folks. I always think that's what people are saying to me.

Best Commercial Ever

GiggleSugar — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 13:00:00 -0700

It's kinda refreshing to see an ad that focuses not on whittling down what your mama gave you, but rather adding on to it! But I've got a better idea: Instead of buying Viglutes butt-enhancer, how about just being OK with how you look and spending your money instead on nachos? Hey, it works for me.

Sarah Haskins on Birth Control Pill Ads

GiggleSugar — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 11:00:23 -0700

I never noticed until Sarah Haskins (my new comedic hero) points it out here, but, ads for birth control pills never talk about their main selling point: you can have sex without getting pregnant! It's always about controlling or eliminating your period. She snarks, "Well, now we don't have to leave the tribe and go sit in that hut for a week. That was a bummer!" And as for the "small comfortable once monthly vaginal ring"? Umm, I'll pass.

What if Girls Thought Like Guys?

GiggleSugar — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 09:00:00 -0700

What do you mean "what if"?

Woman Auctioning Off Virginity

GiggleSugar — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 11:00:00 -0700

This is all kinds of wrong. Please tell me it's a publicity stunt? "Natalie Dylan" (not her real name, cuz, you know, she'll auction off her virginity but not reveal her name!) wants to "capitalize on her virginity" by auctioning it off through the Bunny Ranch brothel in Nevada. Does it make it OK that it's so she can go to grad school to become — wait for it — a family and marriage counselor? I mean, look, I'm no conventional prude, but there are more dignified ways of making money. (She's gotta go through a virginity test first!) Also, do women really need to reinforce the idea they're objects to be bought and sold? If she is indeed a virgin, is this really how she wants to remember her first time? I find the whole thing more sad than anything. Thoughts?

Thanks, eBaum's World!

Mmmm, MANtage!

GiggleSugar — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 04:00:00 -0700

You've heard of a montage, right? Well, here's a MANtage, loosely stitched together filmic scenes of men being 100% real men. Choppin' wood. Filling out expense reports. Eating American soil. Not giving a good goddamn. Rrreow!

Botox: It's All About Expressing Yourself!

GiggleSugar — Sat, 06 Sep 2008 02:00:00 -0700

Sarah Haskins has a lot to say about ads targeted to women. Take Botox. What is it really? Well, it's needles in your face releasing botulism and paralyzing all human expression so that asking, "Does this make my ass look big?" doesn't look any different on your face than exclaiming, "The house is on fire." That's all! Express yourself, ladies — by asking your doctor about Botox cosmetic.

Does This Ad Make You Want to Buy a Chevy Traverse?

GiggleSugar — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 11:00:00 -0700

Look, ladies! The folks at Chevy think you'll want to buy the Traverse if they create a commercial that depicts what they think your fantasy is: a shirtless, handsome man ironing your clothes while making dinner reservations for your anniversary. (Hey, where's his stripper pole?) Well, are you sufficiently moved?

Does This Ad Make You Want to Buy a Chevy Traverse?

Yes. But does he come with the car, like a Cracker Jack prize?

No. If he were really the perfect man, he'd make dinner for us both rather than outsourcing the labor.

Undecided. My head says no, but my wrinkled clothes say yes!

Yogurt: The Official Food For All Womankind?

GiggleSugar — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 07:00:00 -0700

Sarah Haskins takes on the media conspiracy to get all us chicks to eat yogurt! I, for one, am resisting. I need room in my gullet for nachos. Duh!

On the Heels of the Olympics: The Stiletto Run

GiggleSugar — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 16:00:00 -0700

On your mark. Get set. Ouch! I can't even walk in stilettos, much less run in a competition with stilettos on. These gluttons for punishment (all 265 of them in Australia) took part in an 80-meter dash in Sydney wearing three-inch heels. The winner, a professional hurdler, took the $5,000 (Australian dollars) prize and a gold pair of stilettos. (She's just going to have to put all that cash toward a visit to the podiatrist.) Click here to read more.

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She Must Love Him . . .

GiggleSugar — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 08:00:00 -0700

These pills can make you psycho.

Source

I Know What Boys Like

GiggleSugar — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 14:00:00 -0700

The drag queen's guide to femininity should be on every girl's nightstand. My fave? "A sexy b*tch doesn't have to bare it all" and "Props are a plus." Word!

Source

Cosmopolitan Magazine's Institute on How to Please Your Man Is Dunzo

GiggleSugar — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 11:00:00 -0700

In addition to teaching women the crucial skill of "shitting themselves thin," Cosmopolitan magazine has been there for women for by teaching them how to please men in every way, shape, form, and permutation you can imagine. (Cuz, like, that's our duty in life, got it?) Well, you can't say trashy-ass Cosmo hasn't been consistent. It was, after all, "founded to make sure men get all the pleasure they can that is humanly possible." Who cares about women's pleasure!

Girls Gone Wild, 1902 Edition

GiggleSugar — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 14:00:00 -0700

I bet she flashed a naked elbow in exchange for a monogrammed walking stick. Hussy.

Source

Jamie Lynn and Her Reproduction Rap

GiggleSugar — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 13:00:00 -0700

I'm a better person for having watched this. I now know the best slang word ever for vagina. That would be "vageener."

What's the Big Idea Behind This Sneaky Gatorade Ad?

GiggleSugar — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 15:00:00 -0700

I watched the following vid and was overjoyed to see a chick finally kick arse at a male sporting event. But a little research later revealed that our bat girl never made this Spidey-inspired catch; the vid is actually a staged advertisement for Gatorade. The illegitimacy of the play makes me wonder if the Gatorade folks are mocking women's athletic potential with this ad, or on the flip side, if they're seeking to unsettle established gender norms and advance the girls-can-do-anything message. Or a bit a both? Tell me what you think.

What's the Big Idea Behind This Sneaky Gatorade Ad?

Give Gatorade a break. Why would the company alienate a portion of its customer base?

Oh yes, Gatorade's laughing: "If a woman pulls this off, it's gotta be fake. Ha, ha, ha!"

It's questionable, but who cares? Go girl power!

Hair Down There? Don't Despair!

GiggleSugar — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 10:00:00 -0700

We're living in an age that seems frightened — nay, terrified — of crotch hair, or, to put it more delicately, hair on the "bikini area." In the '70s, hairy everything was the rage and now? Nothin'. Even dudes wax their brows! Well, this hilarious parody of Japanese-style commercials, complete with B-movie scare tactics and awesome sound effects, turns that fear of hair down there into a commercial that could be a horror flick. (I wish our ads were this good! And FYI, I don't think that's really Japanese being spoken, but I could be wrong.)

What Women Want?

GiggleSugar — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 01:00:00 -0700

It's been well over a year since we featured the Magic Cone Disposable Urination Funnel for Women as our product of the day. The product had a set of cartoon instructions featuring a girl wearing a uniform and a sensible pair of white undies demonstrating its use. This was disturbing, but not as disturbing as the following live-action video where some chick uses the funnel to pee — with much better aim and precision than most men, I might add — straight into a flower vase. And then there's that framed photo lurking in the background . . . What. The. F*ck.

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Flashback: Batgirl Wants a Pay Raise

GiggleSugar — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 16:00:00 -0700

Newsflash: Batman was not only a degrading husband, but a sexist employer to boot. In the following PSA for the Federal Equal Pay Law, Batgirl argues that she's underpaid and deserves to earn the same wages as Robin. Although Batgirl's timing is a bit manipulative — a ticking bomb is about to blow Batman a new one and she's his only hope for escape — girlfriend's request is warranted. But the big boss thinks she's joking. To which, I say, let the Batdouche blow.

Why Every Gal Should Buy Her Boyfriend a Wii Fit

GiggleSugar — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 15:00:00 -0700

Some dude videotaped his half-dressed girlfriend shaking her booty in the privacy of their living room while playing the Wii Fit hula-hoop game. The douchebag posted the clip on the net, titled it "Why Every Guy Should Buy Their Girlfriend Wii Fit," and the vid went viral in no time. What a gent. Naturally, some smart-ass chick (love her!) made a similar vid for all us ladies to sit back and enjoy. Or try to enjoy.

Would You Buy a Nudie Mag With Pics of Hot Guys?

GiggleSugar — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 15:00:00 -0700

A couple years ago, I found a cool magazine at my local used bookstore. It was called Sweet Action and billed itself as "Porn for Girls." It was basically a magazine with naked and seminaked pictures of real guys you might know — tattooed, a little dirty, and skinny rather than buff. Whether or not you find that sexy, the fact is, the guys were amateurs, just people the two women who started the magazine knew or approached on the street. In addition to subverting the "men are subjects and women are objects" paradigm, they managed to take photos in which the men were sexualized but also still seemed like people, rather than just fantasies. "There's never really been a way for women to have permission to be boy crazy and still admire the guys as equals," said one of the co-founders, Micole Taggart. "We respect the guys that we're lusting after." I can't find anymore copies of Sweet Action and don't know if it's still around, but I was curious . . . Would you ever buy a nudie mag with pics of hot guys?Source

Would You Buy a Nudie Mag With Pics of Hot Guys?

Yes. Naked hotties next door? Sign me up.

No. Looking at a naked dude I don't know grosses me out.

Undecided — see comments below.

Creepy Girl Robot Tends to Male Needs

GiggleSugar — Fri, 30 May 2008 15:00:00 -0700

She walks, talks, has an oily T-zone, and her name is Lisa. She's a robot who's been programmed to be the "Perfect Woman" — that is, she does the dishes and sweeps the floor without complaint. Lisa supposedly has vocal, tactile, and visual recognition capabilities that allow her to meet the needs (dinner? massage? grocery shopping?) of her partner. The only question is: Is Lisa a real robot or an online hoax run amok on the net? Some argue that Lisa is a human posing as a robot with intent to poke fun at the absurd (but very real) guys and dolls fetish. But the website for the project looks darn legit. It's a tough call, but I hope this is one spectacularly bad joke.

Flashback: Every Wifey's Beauty Secret Circa 1930

GiggleSugar — Fri, 30 May 2008 11:00:00 -0700

If I knew all I had to do to look "cute" on a daily basis is guzzle down a few vitamins, as well as cook, clean, and dust for a patronizing male punk, then — where's my shot glass? "Vixen" by way of vodka is more the look I'm going for.

Source

Mariah Carey Throws the First Pitch

GiggleSugar — Thu, 29 May 2008 13:00:00 -0700

Although calling it a "pitch" might be giving it too much credit. Looks like Mariah put a lot more thought into her short shorts, platforms, and sunglasses ensemble than she did to her pitching. At least she's dispelling the notion that there's such a thing as "throwing like a girl"!

Sober Knows Best

GiggleSugar — Fri, 23 May 2008 14:00:00 -0700

I could never be a proponent of the temperance movement (long live liquid sanity!), but these gals still kick arse in my book. Unlike all the other defeated and docile women of yesteryear, these ladies had the gumption to take a ~~stand~~ group photo and rally behind a cause they were passionate about. If there were a modern-day nacho movement, I'd do the same.

Thanks, College Humor!

Flashback: Empowering Women in the 1950s

GiggleSugar — Thu, 22 May 2008 02:00:00 -0700

If a woman couldn't possibly open a bottle of ketchup without asking for a man's help back in 1953, then why didn't they just eliminate the middle (wo)man and empower the man to open the bottle and — gasp! — serve his damn self? It was only logical, darling.

Source

WTF?!

GiggleSugar — Mon, 19 May 2008 11:00:00 -0700

Sheyla Hershey is a 28-year-old woman with a dream: to have the biggest ta-tas in the world. She's already had eight surgeries, each breast has about two quarts of silicone inside, but she wants to go even bigger. (She claims that the bigger the boobs, the greater her self-esteem.) By law, American surgeons can't put any more gunk in her, but when a woman's got a dream, she can't be stopped. (Sheyla is going to give new meaning to the word "bust," and it's not going to be pretty when they do just that.)

Lady Platnum Sings: Give Me the Food

GiggleSugar — Thu, 15 May 2008 07:00:00 -0700

Miss Platnum, née Ruth Maria Renner, is a Romanian-born singer now living in Germany. It really doesn't matter where she's from, though, because she's saying something all women understand in every language: "Give me the food if you love me." Mmmm. Deep-fried potatoes — Opa!

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The Man Hug: Who Knew It Was So Complicated?

GiggleSugar — Thu, 15 May 2008 04:00:00 -0700

Sheesh, being a straight man must be exhausting. Women certainly have their own culturally imposed expectations, but it's gotta suck to worry constantly that an innocent hug could mean (gasp!) that you like dudes like that.

Bachelor Party Has No "Happy Ending"

GiggleSugar — Wed, 14 May 2008 03:00:00 -0700

We posted this a couple months ago, but felt that it was too funny not to bring back for the wedding party week. The tradition of hiring strippers — aka "exotic dancers" — for a bachelor party goes way back, but what does the "exotic" in exotic dancing really mean? These guys find out that it can mean a feminist interpretive dance about childbirth and child loss, complete with a dramatic reading of the lines: "Babies, babies, babies! Mama's milk makes baby better. . ." Now that's how you celebrate your last night as a bachelor! Whoo hoo!

Flashback: A 1939 "Marital Chart"

GiggleSugar — Tue, 13 May 2008 15:00:00 -0700

Oh, sheesh! This demerits/merits chart for the beleaguered wife of 1939 is enough to make me burn my bra, start spelling woman with a "y," and wear "soiled and ragged dresses" around town. No wonder she was "slow in coming to bed." She was trying to figure out how to sneak out the window so she could "flirt with other men at parties or restaurants."

Source

WTF?!

GiggleSugar — Wed, 07 May 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Ahh, 1970. It was a very ~~Goodyear~~ bad year for women and being taken seriously. This Goodyear ad for polyglas tires, which is set up like a horror film complete with a menacing soundtrack, claims that "when a woman's at the wheel, polyglas means more than mileage." Alert the press! Woman on the road! Hide your children! The earth may spin off its axis! (No wonder the '70s was a huge decade for the women's movement.)

Thanks, Feministing!

No More Conspicuous Red Dots

GiggleSugar — Fri, 02 May 2008 09:00:00 -0700

It's a nice gesture, but that glass ceiling . . . yeah, it's still there.

Thanks, College Humor!

Flashback: Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling

GiggleSugar — Thu, 01 May 2008 09:00:00 -0700

Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling (GLOW) piggybacked on the World Wrestling Federation's (WWF) widespread success in the '80s. The show catered to the WWF's predominantly male fan base by pitting minimally dressed, "gorgeous" women against each other and having them wrestle for resolve. In addition to perpetuating sexist attitudes and shameless stereotypes, the show made an absolute mockery of female strength. Our proven brawn in other arenas didn't count. How convenient.

"Boyfriends I Have Been"

GiggleSugar — Thu, 01 May 2008 07:00:00 -0700

It's interesting that this guy calls his cartoon "Boyfriends I Have Been" because it's as much about the girlfriends he has dated who made him those different types (according to him). Clearly, this guy has no fundamental identity of his own, the poor Emo bastard. (While we're being confessional, I have definitely been Girlfriend # 2.)

Flashback: Effed Up '50s Folgers Ad

GiggleSugar — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 02:00:00 -0700

Back in the '50s, well-intentioned housewives were scolded and shunned for pouring their husbands distasteful cups of coffee. In a day and age when the worth of a woman was judged solely on her beauty and homemaking skills, a bad cup of java warranted a good amount of verbal abuse. If Folgers was the secret weapon to fend off a hubby's ungrateful rebuke, no wonder they came to call it "the best part of waking up." In a perfect world, "the best part of waking up" would've been this lady hurling the hot cup of coffee at her husband. With a little creamer to boot. (For more sexist fun with Folgers, click here.)

Dude on a Tampon Run Must Decide: Mini or Super?

GiggleSugar — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 07:00:00 -0700

With the vast array of brands and "sleek designs" and colors and smells and grips and absorption options, how does a dude on a tampon run make a selection? Let's just say his fingers take no part in the picking. Neither does his brain.

Bro Search Continues

GiggleSugar — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 01:00:00 -0700

Have you ever dated a guy you suspected was gay, but then it turned out he was just one of those dudes who would rather be with his bros than his hos? Who wasn't into romance with you, but rather bromance with his posse? Yeah, me, too.

Click here to find out more about Bro Search.

WTF?!

GiggleSugar — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 13:00:00 -0700

This ad for the English ramen noodle product, Pot Noodle (click here for one of their naughty ads), shows some guy crooning and dancing about how he wishes girls were more like these noodles: "freeze dried, quick, and done in a jiffy." Interesting. My favorite junk-food snack, nachos, are very much like the dudes I meet: cheap, cheesy, and totally bad for you.

Flashback: United Airlines Ad

GiggleSugar — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 01:00:00 -0700

I'm about to take a mini-vacay, and I can say that I'm very happy that I don't have to do what these women in this '60s United ad had to do: ask the ol' hubby to "take me along." And just like children, the little ladies get a discount! All that's missing from this commercial is for these wives (dressed like toddlers but dancing like the Rockettes) to suck on lollipops and play with teddy bears. WTF?!

Dish! What Would You Say to Harvey If You Could?

GiggleSugar — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 03:00:00 -0700

Harvey here is lucky I don't have a time machine that can catapult me forty years backwards in time to hit him upside his douchebag head. In this vintage Folger's ad, Harvey lets his wife have it for making him a sub-par cup of coffee, comparing her coffee-making skills — unfavorably — to the ladies back at the office. What would you say to Harvey if you could?

Every Man's Nightmare

GiggleSugar — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 12:00:00 -0700

I don't get it. Doesn't every woman do this on the first date?

I Guess We Are Living in a Barbie World

GiggleSugar — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 10:00:00 -0700

And this is its king/queen. (I love a man who can embrace his feminine side.)

Source

The "Just Checking" Tatt

GiggleSugar — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 09:00:00 -0700

Boyfriend got a ruler tattooed to his inner thigh so he can measure his manhood when need be. I'm sure all the dudes in the locker room are jealous — or maybe not, depending on the ruler's final verdict. Methinks someone's placing too much emphasis on the size of his ship. Why give the mighty ruler a leg to stand on when men can be measured by a plethora of other qualities, such as how douchey they are? This dude assures that the tatt was inked as a joke. He only wanted "to make fun of the fact that most guys lie about how big they are." Umm-hmm. For more on the story, visit ModBlog.

Source

How to Get Rid of a One Night Stand

GiggleSugar — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 03:00:00 -0700

This is a pretty funny ad (I loved the suspense), but wouldn't this dude have, uh, noticed anything the night before? Why do I ask for logic in a commercial? Those Aussies are pretty saucy. Can you imagine this commercial airing in the US? Doubtful.