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Interpretive Stripping by Adonis: Men of Hollywood

GiggleSugar — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 07:00:00 -0800

But wait. I haven't even gotten to the best part yet. They're stripping to Simply Red's "If You Don't Know Me By Now." C'mon, dudes. You call that stripping? Touching your long, flowing locks? Caressing your ripped abs? If women strippers took off that little they'd be booed off the stage! I want to know what's underneath those high-waisted, acid washed jeans! (Well, not really.) I guess when your audience is made up of cute little aunties and grandmas, it makes sense. Cheese factor: 10.

Flashback: The Guide to Love, Sex, and Dating in the '90s

GiggleSugar — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 09:00:00 -0800

I'm not exactly mastering love, sex, and dating in the 2000s, so I guess this wouldn't hurt.

Remember Ladies, There's a Reason We Had a Feminist Movement!

GiggleSugar — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 09:00:00 -0800

Not that everything's perfect now, but holy freaking crap! Let's just draw a woman's hot body, decapitate her, and add on the product we're selling where her head used to be (in this case, Hostess Sno-Balls), and continue our sexist ad in the writing below, because the picture doesn't quite say enough! (I'm suddenly having a craving for a well-stacked, cream-filled leggy Sno-Ball! Not.)

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Flashback: Crispin Glover in The Beaver Trilogy

GiggleSugar — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 12:00:00 -0800

I remember catching this on cable one late night (it's not on DVD) and feeling like I'd fallen into another dimension. Directed by Trent Harris, The Beaver Trilogy is supposed to be a documentary, but let's just say it's loosely a documentary. It's about oddballs Trent met while on his travels, as well as Sean Penn and Crispin Glover acting like those oddballs. It just gives me a headache thinking about it, but this clip of Crispin as an obsessed Olivia Newton-John impersonator (that's right — he's impersonating an impersonator) singing "Please Don't Keep Me Waiting" is like the best of David Lynch. Spooky.

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What Could Be More Depressing Than This Potato Game?

GiggleSugar — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 04:00:00 -0800

Some people say we're headed for/already in a recession. I hope we don't go into a depression, because it looks like Depression-era forms of amusement like this potato game (circa 1933) would have turned the most optimistic person into a shell of their former selves. Let's hope these folks were drinking. I don't know how else they didn't end up clutching one another in despair given this is how they were supposed to have fun! What could be more depressing than this potato game?Source

What Could Be More Depressing Than This Potato Game?

Pin the tail on the government-issued cheese

Dodge the generic-brand spaghetti strands

Hit the Piñata filled with gruel

Other (see comments below)

Flashback: Solid Gold Dancers

GiggleSugar — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 02:00:00 -0800

Why don't dancers dressed like strippers do interpretive dance to contemporary music anymore? Why, why, why? (Gotta love the periodic explosions, too!)

Flashback: Before "Douchebag" Was an Insult...

GiggleSugar — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 01:00:00 -0800

And talking to your mom about cleaning out your girl parts with "Effectol" was not considered creepy. "For a clean, fresh feeling of gentle, effective douching..."

Flashback: My Little Pony Waterfall Set

GiggleSugar — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 14:00:00 -0800

A long-haired blue pony with its own waterfall shower? This is some drugged-up crapola they foisted upon us as children. It's a wonder any of us is sane! And I count myself (ahem!) among those who survived it.

Flashback: Leif Garrett, Teen Heartthrob

GiggleSugar — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 07:00:00 -0800

This is what teen girls were swooning over back in '79. He's kinda like Rod Stewart, light. I will give the dude one thing, though: he had awesome hair.

Guess What This Old Ad Is For?

GiggleSugar — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 04:00:00 -0800

Is it for a sheer Christmas nighty, perfume . . . an escort service? Nope, it's for a man's product. That's why they used a scantily clad woman, naturally! The hint is in the picture. Can you guess what this vintage ad is for?

Flashback: Arrid Fights Your "Sex Perspiration"

GiggleSugar — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 04:00:00 -0800

I wonder if the physiology info in this 1963 Arrid ad still holds water. Basically, it says that women have two kinds of perspiration, one from physical exertion, and the other from, well, horniness. (The kind Arrid takes care of.) It seems to me they were just banking on the shame of women who didn't want anyone to see that their sexuality was showing. "You don't wanna be a sweaty ho, do you now?" the ad seems to ask. Something tells me that the hoo-ha flashers of today wouldn't give a damn.

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Flashback: LSD Will Make You Murder Hot Dogs

GiggleSugar — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 12:20:00 -0800

I've heard all sorts of arguments against drugs, but this '60s PSA against LSD posits one I've never heard of. Drop acid, especially if you're "jacked up" on marijuana, and your food will grow a face, talk to you, scream when you try to eat it, and then need to be mercy-killed right on the streets of San Francisco. I know people for whom this would be an enticement: "Dude, drugs that give your hot dog a face? Can I have your dealer's number?"

Flashback: Deep Thoughts From Gary Busey

GiggleSugar — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 09:00:00 -0800

Gary Busey is not like you or me. Busey has been touched by a mad angel. This causes him to to rant, rave, and inspire others, as he does in this old clip from Celebrity Fit Club 4 which was introduced by The Soup host Joel McHale. I sooo need a victory juice injection to power through today . . .

Flashback: Steven Seagal in "The Celebrity's Guide to Fine Wine"

GiggleSugar — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 15:00:00 -0800

Steven Seagal and Kelly LeBrock, the pillow-lipped model-turned-actress of Weird Science fame, filmed some really weird shorts produced by Paramount for some now-defunct show called The One Hour Presentation. Here, Steven and Kelly (while they were still married) provide a cheese-tastic instructional video on how to open a bottle of wine properly. Apparently, it involves treating it like a phallic object and pretending that you're both in a porno. (Back to LeBrock's lips, though. Angelina's got nothing on this woman!)

Flashback: Keanu Reeves Is a Liar

GiggleSugar — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 07:00:00 -0700

Poor Keanu went on some German talk show and got hooked up to a lie detector. Watch him struggle through the host's questions (and her heinous dentist-office-wallpaper jacket). He's totally cute though. Wouldn't you believe anything that comes out of his mouth?

Flashback: Creepy Baby Laugh-a-Lot Doll Gives Me the Willies

GiggleSugar — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Baby freaks-me-the-eff-out-a-lot is more like it. I guess girls in the '60s were into evil and devil worshipping. That's the only explanation I can find for this doll's appeal. I bet this little girl would love Baby Laugh-a-Lot . . .

Webcam Girl: 1920s Edition

GiggleSugar — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 13:00:00 -0700

Wait 'til the fellas get an eyeful of those gams. Floozy.

Baby: It's What's For Dinner

GiggleSugar — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 11:00:00 -0700

Oh no. They. Didn't. In this clip from an old Martha Stewart episode, we learn the fun do-it-yourself craft of making helpless infants into creepy centerpieces. I know people get a kick out of dressing up their babies, but dressing them up as turkeys and pies? Look at Martha and her guest just laughing away while the poor babies squirm in terror. Shame on you, Martha. Shame.

Suggestive Much?

GiggleSugar — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 09:00:00 -0700

What's the opposite of subliminal advertising? In-your-face "our product is like a penis that this pretty lady really likes" advertising. Never heard of it? Just watch all the old Cadbury Flake ads and you'll see what I mean. Wow.

Flashback: Jill the Talking Doll

GiggleSugar — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 08:00:00 -0700

She's a lot like me, eh? She seems a lot more like a substitute teacher in the '80s who shops at Fashion Bug and has a bad perm. Also, I have full movement of my arms. But nice try.

Flashback: Douchebag Edition

GiggleSugar — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 01:00:00 -0700

We took our popular Flashback feature and thought it would be a great idea to combine it with your insatiable desire for all things douchebag! (Actually, Flippy thought it would be a great idea, and we stole it.) So without further ado, it's ~~House of Pain~~ the Jumping Douches, you know, being tough and jumpin' around!

Flashback: Crispin Glover Dances in Friday the 13th, Part IV

GiggleSugar — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 13:00:00 -0700

When I was looking this movie up on IMDB, I accidentally typed in "Part 14," which isn't far from the truth. (How many freaking Friday the 13th movies were made, exactly?!) I can't say I've seen part IV, but if it's as good as this dancing scene here with cute freak Crispin Glover, I may have to put it on my Netflix queue. I love me the freaks!

Guess What This Album's Really Called?

GiggleSugar — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 08:00:00 -0700

As clever as bands think they are today with their silly names, they have nothing on the bizarre album titles of yesteryear. Take a look at these awesome retro album covers. Can you guess what these albums are really called?

Question 1

1 of 10

"Living With . . ."

Head Over Heels: The Literal Version

GiggleSugar — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 13:00:00 -0700

I'm so glad my hunch was right, and literal music videos are the next big thing! And I love this song. I bet back in the '80s they were all, "Let's make a video about a freaky library, it's gonna be awesome!" Little did they know the video would achieve never-before-seen levels of awesome 20 years later. Any guesses what '80s video will get literalized next?

Flashback: Ball-Busting Fun For the Whole Family

GiggleSugar — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:00:00 -0700

This 1975 ad for the "family game" Ball Buster was totally due for a repost. "Exciting for adults"? I don't even want to know what that means.

Flashback: Schwarzenegger vs. Bear

GiggleSugar — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 02:00:00 -0700

Back before he governated the state of California, Arnold starred in B-movie gems like Hercules in New York. If you can't figure it out from the title, it's a classic coming-of-age story that combines Greek mythology and professional wrestling. In this clip, Herc takes on a ~~man in a~~ bear ~~suit~~. I so can't wait to Netflix this.

The Golden Age of Moose Knuckle: A '70s Fashion Roundup

GiggleSugar — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 08:00:00 -0700

If there were ever a decade for ultimate douchebag fashion, it would have to be the '70s in all its coiffed, mustachioed, crotch-hugging polyester glory. Presenting the best of the worst in shagadelic trends . . . and the man-beasts who loved them.

Flashback: David Hasselhoff in Revenge of the Cheerleaders

GiggleSugar — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 14:00:00 -0700

1976 was a very good year for our country. Folks were smack dab in the middle of the '70s, feeling groovy, celebrating the Bicentennial, and (if you were even remotely cool) watching David Hasselhoff in the masterpiece Revenge of the Cheerleaders. In this short clip, you can get a glimmer of the incredible career he had before him. Watching the birth of greatness is an awe inspiring thing of beauty. (Wipes tear.)

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Coffee, Tea, or . . . WTF?!

GiggleSugar — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 15:00:00 -0700

You can't even get a meal on domestic flights these days, but apparently, the now-defunct Braniff ~~offered~~ practically promised stripping flight attendants. Ah, those were the days! (I guess Hooters Airlines realized it had a niche to fill.)

Flashback: Wonder Woman vs. a Gorilla

GiggleSugar — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 13:00:00 -0700

Laugh if you will at Wonder Woman's hottie superhero Lynda Carter fighting a gorilla, but it's still more interesting than the dialogue in The Hills.

Flashback: Ricardo Montalban in Chrysler Cordoba Ad

GiggleSugar — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 10:17:30 -0700

I could listen to Ricardo "Mr. Roarke" Montalban say "soft Corr-in-thian leather" over and over again in an endless loop. It's even better when you learn that there's no such thing as Corinthian leather. The leather in Chrysler's Cordoba was from New Jersey. (New Jersey?! Get a rope.)

Thanks, Neatorama!

Video Prozac

GiggleSugar — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 15:30:00 -0700

This video just put me in a 100% better mood. It's not just the Abba-esque accents and tunes. Or even the '50s cheerleader apparel. Or even the bizarre dancing. It's everything together, like the colors of the rainbow shining over smiling unicorns and puppies. Happy, happy, joy, joy!

Flashback: The Infamous Quincy Punk Episode

GiggleSugar — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 08:00:00 -0700

I love these old television shows. They always had at least one PSA-style cautionary tale episode about the evils of sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll. Take Quincy (1976 - 1983) starring Jack Klugman — the medical examiner who cared. In this episode, a girl gets messed up through her association with "violence-oriented punk rock music." So of course ol' Quincy has to investigate. Let's see what we find out about those ~~evil punk rockers~~ zombie killers . . .

Thanks, Laughing Squid!

Mmmm!

GiggleSugar — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 10:15:00 -0700

It's not just clothing fashions that change, but food fashions, too. Take this delightful recipe for Consomme Tongue Treat from a Campbell's cookbook circa 1968. Imagine whipping up this appetizer and serving it to your guests. "What exactly is in this?" "Well, a little unflavored gelatin, Tabasco sauce, and you know. . .cubed cooked tongue." (What kind of tongue, of course, remains unspecified.) This is the part where all your guests run out screaming.

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Cute Alert: Dancing With the Dogs!

GiggleSugar — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 07:00:00 -0700

We've shown you this woman dancing with her adorable dog before, but here's another video of her hoofin' it up on Good Morning America a few years ago to "You're the One That I Want" from the Grease soundtrack. (These two should be contestants on So You Think You Can Dance. You know — to mix things up a bit.)

Flashback: Rubik's Cube Lube!

GiggleSugar — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 14:30:00 -0700

Lookee! It's the least essential product ever created: Cube Lube from Bougé Industries, Inc. Because solving that Rubik's Cube faster, pussycat, kill, kill! is priority numero uno. (I love the little cartoon "spark marks" indicating the lightning speed with which this thing is being solved. Fierce!)

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Hot!

GiggleSugar — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 09:00:00 -0700

They just don't make 'em like they used to. Rrrrreow!

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Flashback: Bed Bugs From Milton Bradley

GiggleSugar — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 08:00:00 -0700

Gross. You'd think this was dreamed up in Victorian England ("catch the bed bugs with these tongs!"), but it looks more like the '60s. I loved Milton Bradley, especially their Operation game, but this is just gross. Also, I kept thinking the kids were going to eat the jumping bugs because their instruments looked like chopsticks. Bizarro — is there a lice version?

Jennifer Aniston's Love Life in a Nutshell

GiggleSugar — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 13:00:00 -0700

Or, rather, in a foreign Heineken commercial. ("Heineken: The Beer for Douchebags.")

Flashback: When You Could Still Feel Good About KFC

GiggleSugar — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 15:00:00 -0700

It's hard to imagine that there was a time when "feeling good about a meal" and "Kentucky Fried Chicken" could be uttered in the same breath. I mean, what with the news about how bad fast food is for your health, how those poor chickens are treated, and the bad rap "fried" anything gets, this commercial seems to have been made many, many moons ago.

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Flashback: Headline of the Day

GiggleSugar — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 09:00:00 -0700

"Stop the presses! We've got a late-breaking story!" (People were quite eager to participate in the media feeding frenzy when Diana died. Here's an example of not entirely thinking things through.)

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Flashback: Riunite on Ice

GiggleSugar — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 07:00:00 -0700

Is this stuff still around? Before it was cool to be gauche (Sofia Coppola champagne in a can, anyone?), Riunite was doing it unironically! I will have this song stuck in my head all day (thanks a lot, BellaSugar!). And on Taco Thursday at the Sugar HQs, a sudden craving for wine on ice will hit me like a ton of bricks. Why? Because "tacos go nice with Riunite." Duh!

Flashback: Hair Club For Men

GiggleSugar — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 11:00:00 -0700

A curly mullet, a creepy woman fawning over said curly mullet — this Hair Club For Men commercial is going to give me nightmares. I shouldn't ruin the end for you, but like all great things in life, this ad is as much about the journey as it is about the destination. In other words, you'll be so stunned by its premise (that a fake curly mullet is better than a bald head) that you won't care that I'll reveal that the girl doing the creepy fawning is his stepdaughter. Ewww, and ewww.

Thanks, Gawker!

Flashback: The Young Ones

GiggleSugar — Sun, 31 Aug 2008 03:00:00 -0700

Wow. I haven't thought of this show in ages. The Young Ones was an '80s BBC comedy about four unlikely roommates — a punk rocker, Vyvyan, an anarchist, Rick, a short guy who wore sunglasses all the time, Mike, and my favorite, a hippie named Neil. In this episode, Neil (poor thing, he always made tea and food for his meanie roommates), displays typical problem solving skills when he discovers the lentils he wants to cook are trapped behind precariously organized plates and bowls in the cupboard. How will he get to them without breaking everything? And will Vyvyan be of any help? Let's see. . .

Flashback: The Love Rug

GiggleSugar — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Every era has its favorite place for "making love." (Does anyone even say that anymore?) In the '60s, it was anywhere, but preferably in nature. In the '80s, in a boardroom on a conference table after everyone else had left the building. (I'm just making this up, I'll have you know.) In the '70s? For some reason, folks loved doin' the nasty on rugs, in front of fireplaces, while mood lighting and music enhanced the scene. I guess for couples who wanted to swing but were afraid to, the Love Rug gently inducted them into three-ways: "As you stroke, it strokes. The incredibly soft, furlike fibers caress your bodies from head to toe. It's almost like having another lover there with the two of you." A furry rug lover. Sounds sexay to me!

Source

WTF?!

GiggleSugar — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 07:00:00 -0700

In this video, a younger Ashley Olsen is clad in disco-wear while dancing to disco Muzak. I always wondered how the Olsens made their millions. Improbably, you're lookin' at part of it. It is strangely mesmerizing, though. I can't stop watching . . .

Flashback: OK, McCoy, We Get It — You're a Doctor!

GiggleSugar — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 09:00:00 -0700

I guess if I went through the grief of medical school, I'd be tellin' everyone "I'm a doctor" all the time, too! Except, remember how he was also always pronouncing everyone dead? (So maybe he shouldn't be bragging so much!)

Flashback: Welcome to My Home

GiggleSugar — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 01:00:00 -0700

If you want to know how Brenda Dickson looks so damn good still, she tells us, this video is for you. If you want to know about diet and exercise tips, this video is also for you. But if, like me, you want to watch an '80s soap star in gold lamé and weird headbands speak to the camera in a strangely blank and robotic way. . .good news! This video is still for you!

Move Over Rachael Ray!

GiggleSugar — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 15:00:00 -0700

There's a new chef in town, and he's wearing very little besides white pants and a white headband. (And his EVOO? He just wears it on his chest.) This hot, crunchy hunk of a man can come over and teach me "how to make bread" any day of the week! (Please keep aerial flips to a minimum, though, mister. I have really noise-sensitive neighbors.)

Flashback: Ben Stiller as Bono in a Cereal Commercial

GiggleSugar — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 09:00:00 -0700

Oh, man. This is vintage Ben Stiller again from his '90s show. Here he is mocking U2 (but mostly Bono) in their Achtung, Baby and Zooropa era. Ben is imitating Bono in his "everything I sing is important and freighted with angst" phase, demonstrating that he can deliver this even for a Lucky Clover commercial. And he's totally right! Amazing.

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