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Dear Poll: In Dating, Is Your Parents' Approval Important?

Fri, 11/28/2008 - 10:00am by DearSugar
909 Views - 44 comments

The holidays are here, and I bet some of you are bringing your significant others home to meet your family for the first time. The thought of introducing a new guy to the family could easily make you feel anxious — especially if you fear he may not measure up to the picture-perfect guy your parents have in mind — so what would happen if you consider him marriage material and your parents don't approve? Ladies, what I want to know is . . .

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44 Comments Add a Comment

  • skigurl's picture
    skigurl
    2

    well, yes. if they didn't like a guy, there might be a reason that i want to take into consideration.

    5 weeks 5 days ago Report Comment
  • otaku's picture
    otaku
    3

    i didn't vote because there wasn't an option that i agree with. i'd say yes, it matters, but only to an extent. i think it's important for my family to approve of the person i am with. however, not enough that i would end a relationship because my family did not like them.

    5 weeks 5 days ago Report Comment
  • aprilmayjune4's picture
    aprilmayjune4
    4

    My parents' approval is important, but my sister's approval is even more so. She has impeccable "loser radar."

    5 weeks 5 days ago Report Comment
  • ohbaby7's picture
    ohbaby7
    5

    It isnt too important, but luckily my parents absolutely adore my boyfriend, so much that im the one feeling left out

    5 weeks 5 days ago Report Comment
  • Muirnea's picture
    Muirnea
    6

    I agree with otaku, it does matter but only to an extent. I listen to what they say b/c they might see some things I can't, but of course I make the final decision and if they don't like him and I do, to bad for them.

    5 weeks 5 days ago Report Comment
  • Lovely_1's picture
    Lovely_1
    7

    It matters, but it doens't make or break the deal you know?
    I am a grown women, I can make my own choices and yes although I do love my parents and as much as I do want them to be proud, I can do it myself Smiling

    5 weeks 5 days ago Report Comment
  • GScott86's picture
    GScott86
    8

    Would love for them to approve, but it doesn't make any sense at times. They absolutely love the person, think they're great etc, but then the minute you consider being with that person, it's the one thing they don't approve of. As much as it's great, it's my decision and MY happiness in the end. After all, I'm the one that will have to live with this person right? Sometimes it seems like they'll never a prove of YOUR decisions. So anyone else feel at times like you're not actually picking the mate but your parents?

    5 weeks 5 days ago Report Comment
  • Fallen85's picture
    Fallen85
    9

    I trust my mom's judgement because if I'm in a relationship with a guy im totally crazy about but he's actually just a big loser then she'll be able to see it with clear unbiased eyes and she only wants whats best for me so I know she's not doing it to hurt me. She loves my current boyfriend as much as I do and she hated my ex.. so far shes 2 for 2!

    5 weeks 5 days ago Report Comment
  • italianblonde's picture
    italianblonde
    10

    I definitely want them to approve! But if they disapproved for a reason other than him treating me badly or something like that, I would have to overlook it.

    5 weeks 5 days ago Report Comment
  • tnmom's picture
    tnmom
    11

    Absolutely! My parents are loving people and I trust their opinion.
    The man I dated for almost a year after my late-husband died and before I met my current husband was a User, Looser, Liar and a Thief. I had some issues at the time, and just wouldn't listen when warning bells went off for my parents the moment they met him. My best friend and other relatives tried to warn me, too.
    I wish I had listened to them instead of waiting for the so-called man to prove it to me.
    My father was unsure about my current husband at first. He had neve been married, had no children, and was 44. My dad once stated that I shouldn't expect him to make a commitment to me. After 3 years of dating, he did commit to me and my daughters. I've never been happier.

    5 weeks 5 days ago Report Comment
  • Chrstne's picture
    Chrstne
    12

    Let's see. My mom is a bitter, divorced woman. She and my dad divorced after 20 years of a horrendous, train wreck of a marriage. She knew my dad was a loser, and married him anyway. He is a liar and a cheat, and is totally selfish. She decided to overlook those things because getting married made her low self esteem suddenly shoot up.

    Now, because my mom did it to herself, and ended up in a marriage that failed -- any guy I am ever with, is automatically an abuser, liar and a cheater. My boyfriend of 2 years is someone she likes, but accuses him of the stupidest things. I should always "watch out" for when he is in a bad mood, because that means he is cheating on me. Each time I get hurt, HE did it to me (and I get many phone calls about how she "knows" there is "something" wrong). I tell her about his raises, and she always says "Yeah right, they all say that" -- when we LIVE together, and I see the money coming in! My boyfriend is incredible, and she thinks that marrying or being with a loser happens to everyone, which, frankly, is untrue.

    Do I listen to anything she says? Nope. Will I ever? Not until she stops feeling bad for herself, and wishing that my relationship turns out like hers.

    Sorry to say, but it is blatantly obvious in her actions and many things she says that she is jealous of my relationship.

    I choose my men wisely. She chose wrong in her own. Why would I trust her opinion with mine?

    End rant.

    5 weeks 5 days ago Report Comment
  • liquidskyfire's picture
    liquidskyfire
    14

    Wow, I'm surprised how many people voted "yes"! I personally couldn't care less what my parents think. I'M the one dating the guy, not them :| and I trust my own judgment far better than theirs.

    5 weeks 5 days ago Report Comment
  • pippins_halfling's picture
    pippins_halfling
    15

    As much as I would like them to like a guy I was dating, their approval doesn't mean that much to me. My mom thinks every guy is out to rape me (which is totally offensive to the guy), so she never, every likes anyone I would bring home anyway. Clearly, my judgment is better than hers.

    5 weeks 5 days ago Report Comment
  • Mesayme's picture
    Mesayme
    18

    Another reason to be thankful for no parents...but grandmother's look will tell it all. Smiling Half smirk = no go! lol

    5 weeks 5 days ago Report Comment
  • candace87's picture
    candace87
    19

    Well, I would never bring home a guy who is a lazy, dirty slob and I think that would be the only thing to upset my parents. A guy would have to be really sh***y for them to dislike him right off the bat. All I can really think of is if it were like, a bum, a junkie, or some kind of freak haha! I don't really know. Anyway, so yes, their approval is important I guess but they would never disapprove of someone? Unless I did also.. in which case he wouldn't be my boyfriend..

    5 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • awkwardturtle's picture
    awkwardturtle
    20

    I agree with annebreal. But I have yet to have a boyfriend my parents disproved of (They have only met a few who were prepped intensely by me before hand)Eye-wink

    5 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • Myst's picture
    Myst
    21

    I lucked out. My parents are cool with just about anyone unless they are in the Airforce. Then that's a problem Laughing out loud

    5 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • simplyfab87's picture
    simplyfab87
    22

    Nope, its not important. When I first started dating my boyfriend, they didn't like him at all but I didn't care. They've warmed up to him though.

    5 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • resamac's picture
    resamac
    23

    It would depend.
    IT would deeply bother me that my parents really dislike a guy if I was absolutely smitten with the guy.
    But, my parents raised me. They trust my judgment. Especially since whenever we've ever disagreed we talked it out, and many times I have taught them something from it. Plus I have to feel that the guy is just overwhelmingly awesome to get to meet my parents, and they usually feel the same anyway.

    5 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • punjabibyotch's picture
    punjabibyotch
    24

    my boyfriend of 4 years is marrying a girl he's never met before in his life, because his parents dont want him to marry me, even though they've never met me. My dream man is a man whose parents are dead. I don't care what my parents think. Its only my opinion that counts when it comes to who i spend my life with

    5 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • chatondeneige's picture
    chatondeneige
    25

    Honestly, my parents are so close to me, and have my best interests at heart, so if they didn't like a guy, I'd take a look at what their reasons were.

    5 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • oohsexypenguin's picture
    oohsexypenguin
    26

    My parents never met my ex, but they would've loved him: smart, good looking, musically talented, going places. But he was a douchebag who broke my heart. They've also welcomed into the family my sister's many, many smarmy boyfriends.

    My parents took a reeeeeally long time to warm up to my fiance, but he's the man of my dreams and treats me like a princess.

    Their approval would be nice, but in the end I just don't trust their judgment. I'll date who I want.

    5 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • valancyjane's picture
    valancyjane
    27

    I want my parents' approval to the extent that I'm sad when I don't get it. But my mom (the more judgmental one) hasn't really approved of anyone I've dated - I would have had to date a Kennedy to make her happy. (That is: Irish Catholic, educated, well-mannered, and from a family she can be proud of.) She's coming around to my husband, but it's taking a while - I think by the time we hit our 10-year anniversary she might warm up to him. Oh well, her loss ... he's not part of any religion and he doesn't even have a bachelor's degree, but he's smart and funny and he treats me incredibly well ... I could hardly ask for more!

    5 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • Hymelami's picture
    Hymelami
    28

    I'm italian, and the approval of my parents is not so important... They met my boyfriend but I don't really know if they like him or not!

    5 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • sundaygreen's picture
    sundaygreen
    29

    Dating no, because I don't introduce any guys I'm just 'dating' or 'seeing' to my parents. Relationships, yes.

    5 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • Kimpossible's picture
    Kimpossible
    30

    like aprilmayjune's sister, my Dad has impeccable "loser radar". He is an extremely good judge of character. I learned this one the hard way. I ignored my Dad's very gentle warnings about someone and it ended up being a very abusive relationship. After I got out of it, and was back in the dating world again, I took Dad's opinions very seriously, even breaking up with one man because of Dad's again gentle input. I'm no longer in the dating scene but I'm so glad for my parents insight, thankfully now that I'm older and wiser I've learned to be a better judge of character myself. So, if I were to ever find myself in the dating world again, I think my parents would be proud of my choices.

    5 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • lilwildone1202's picture
    lilwildone1202
    31

    i also value my parents opinion. besides...if they dont like him and i mean *really* dont like him--that can make awkward family get togethers...

    5 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • khadeekiinsz's picture
    khadeekiinsz
    32

    It matters kind of. If your parents have YOUR ideal mate in mind, and if it isn't what they like, and dont approve, then no it doesn't matter what they think. But i would take some of their reasons into consideration. They might see something you dont.

    5 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • missangelique999's picture
    missangelique999
    33

    Although I have a good relationship with my parents and value their opinions(most of the time;-) ) in this area, I don't feel their ideas matter as much to me. They have VERY traditional values: no sex before marriage, no living together before marriage, etc., and I am a lot more modern in my approach.

    5 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • sobe101's picture
    sobe101
    34

    I'm big into family so the guy I'm dating has to get along with my family or he's out.

    5 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • lemuse20's picture
    lemuse20
    35

    I think it is somewhat important, although if the parents don't approve and you have something really special with your mate, then oh well, it shouldn't determine your relationship's status. I have a thing with my brother's gfs always trying to get MY approval, particularly my brother's current gf, she wants to be total BFF. I let her know that I like her, but I'm not up to be BFF! I have had to befriend so many of my brother's gfs that it gets so tiresome. So she doesn't know what to think, but I know it doesn't matter what "I" think. I know that all just sounded confusing, maybe someone understood, haha.

    5 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • Swen's picture
    Swen
    36

    It matters to me, but it wouldn't cause to me to break it off with a guy. I think my parents have good judgment, and we have a close relationship, so I do appreciate their input. If they hated a guy, then there would be a good reason for it, a reason that would matter to me too. I can't imagine my parents really interfering enough to tell me they don't like a guy though. I think they'd figure I'd move on and figure out for myself that he's no good.

    5 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • Grandpa's picture
    Grandpa
    37

    I don't think there is a "correct' answer. It depends on many factors, how do you rate your parents’ marriage? How close are you to them? How much do you respect their opinion? I am blessed that my wife of 43 years was able to overcome initial objections. My wife and I lived "My Big Fat Greek Wedding". The only things different was "spitting" for good luck, neither of us ever heard of such a thing. Through a cousin we found out it was an Athenian custom, and all my wife’s family was from the island of Chios. My father in law did not use Windex, and when they roast the lamb on the spit it is in the backyard not the front. The first 5 years of our marriage, I was referred to as “Xano” (The outsider, or stranger), when they would discuss me. Over time I became a member of the entire extended family. The cousins of the next generation have been able to marry outside the Greek community, but always within the Greek Church.

    5 weeks 2 days ago Report Comment
  • bbkf's picture
    bbkf
    38

    No, not at all. I'm the one dating him, not them.

    5 weeks 2 days ago Report Comment
  • psterling's picture
    psterling
    39

    My family knows me better than anyone else so if they saw red flags, I trusted their judgment. HOWEVER, my mom tends to think that nobody was good enough for her little girl so it was always taken with a grain of salt. Everyone loved my husband right away though, so luckily there wasn't any drama.

    5 weeks 2 days ago Report Comment
  • green_bean's picture
    green_bean
    40

    I say yes, but that is because I spend so much time with my family that it is important that they all get along. One of the last guys I dated, my parents were not a fan of him, but I didn't know that until after I broke up with him. When it looked as though things were getting serious, they tried to make sure I was ready for it, but they let me see on my own that he wasn't right for me.

    5 weeks 2 days ago Report Comment
  • kristints's picture
    kristints
    41

    Well, being gay, it complicates matters with my mom and siblings, they're ok, but not really warm about it. I trust my dads judgement and would never date a girl he strongly disliked. My dad and I are super close, I work at the family business and we have plans to start another, we're just together way to often for him to not like someone I'm with.

    5 weeks 2 days ago Report Comment
  • Grandpa's picture
    Grandpa
    42

    The world has changed so much, just in my lifetime, particularly with regards to race relations and sexual orientation..Thank the Good Lord.

    5 weeks 2 days ago Report Comment
  • kh61582's picture
    kh61582
    43

    I said no. My family is not a very close affectionate family. We're one of those families that always get together but everyone is always bad mouthing everyone else the minute we leave and it can be tense. I just never felt very close with my parents emotionally so I don't think I should have to care much what they think about the man I'm with. My mother loves my current boyfriend and my dad tolerates him well enough. That's all fine and good but I know that he's not permanent. Fact is, I like older men and that's always going to make my parents a little uncomfortable but it's my taste. It would be almost impossible for me to find someone they completely approve of that's a good fit for me.

    3 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment