Valentine, NE, known mostly for being small and having a cute name, had to endure the handibuttockswork of a "lone deviant" who vandalized stores, hotels, schools, and churches by slathering his ass with Vaseline and then pressing it, for reasons known only to him, against their windows. The Butt Bandit's greasy butt imprint reign of terror, however, is finally over. He was spotted and arrested last Wednesday at 3:30 in the morning doing what he does best. (Dude, may I suggest non-ass-related hobbies? I hear Solitaire is really fun.) Click here to read more about this freako.

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