Okay babe, really what you do with your life is noone's damn business. You don't NEED to get one under the belt. If you don't wanna hear their sex stories just tell them you don't want to hear it. Not all guys are going to be into you and you aren't going to be into all guys. Eventually it'll happen, and you'll find a guy who's into you and you're into. Really, this relationship crap isn't all it's cracked up to be all the time. You go out with someone grow in love with them, then they f*ck you over. Maybe you'll find that person you can be with and then they make you miserable sometimes here and there. Maybe you won't. It's your choice to date who you want, noone elses business. The best advantage of being single? You can do what the f*ck you want without having to worry about someone else. You can pursue your dreams without some jerk saying it's not as good as his, or holding you back. So settle yourself as much as you can and along the way, you may find that person you want to kiss and have sex and be all gaga over. K...I know my post sound aggressive. I'm just being blunt for once.

Honestly.. i dont have much experience in relationships.. i just never ever seem to meet guys who are compatable to me.. and my friends dont seem to understand that.. im never the normal one.. i say just hook up with a couple of guys.. make out here and there.. or just do whatever feels right.. ur not a slut for doing that... and sooner or later a guy wil come around and sweep you off ur feet...

and really tell ur friends to shut up.. they shouldnt be talking about that stuff in ur face its not right.. if they know u havent done that stuff its not right to throw it out there with you there..

i have a friend jus like you and im very cautious about what i say around her because i dont want to hurt her feelings.. ur friends should think about what ur thinking when they say it rather than just thinking about themselves..

Living in my Joan Clayton and Carrie Bradshaw world!

1st: You are a young lady who hasn't matured just yet. Let it all flow. Don't feed in to the pressure that in order to "fit in" you have to have sex or a boyfriend! Please don't "monkey see, monkey do"! That is what is wrong with alot of women today---we do what OTHERS want us to do instead of doing what we feel is right and being diff while accepting your own choice. It is quite ok to be single!!!Just don't dwell so much on it.

2nd: It is practically OK to be who you are! I would love to be in your shoes LOL! (Being a virgin that is). Trust, you have plenty of time & make sure it is with someone who is worthy of your heart & Victoria Secret.

3rd: I understand where u are coming from (not getting into guys b/c we know what they want!)I commend you for being smarter for your age. Stay the course & stay thinking like you have just have mentioned above! You go girl!

Guys your age tend to be more in the "let's meet at a bar and make out when we're drunk" phase than the "may I take you to dinner" phase. Ask your friends to be dead honest - is there something about you that's putting guys off? Do you come across as stuck up? Do you have bad breath? I'm just shooting in the dark here.

One tip I can give you is to be nice and friendly with EVERY guy. That way you'll get a good reputation and people will be more likely to say "Are you single? I have someone you HAVE to meet!"

It's also not a bad idea to go out with the next 3 guys who ask. The whole point of dating is to figure out if you like someone. You can't possibly know that after just talking for a few minutes. So start saying yes, then you'll get to figure out what kind of guy you're looking for.

Aww it's okay, I understand your "predicament" because I myself was in the same situation too, which is funny because I, too, thought I was the only one in the world lol: in my group of friends in college I was the only girl in my group who never dated, had a boyfriend, kissed a boy until I was in my early 20s.

Like everyone else said, it's okay because I am glad that I waited so I could learn from my friends mistakes and knew at that age most guys were just trying to get laid and have fun before they settle down.

Even though you don't like those guys, you should try dating so you can get experience of what you are looking for in a guy and know what to do, because the more confidence you have in finding the right person, the more likely you are to find someone to capture your heart.

It's precisely the "you have to have someone by age _____ or it's weird" mentality that causes so many problems with people stringing along placeholder girlfriends/boyfriends just to appear "normal" or "desirable". And then later they meet someone they actually like, but damn, what to do with the placeholder person who has been faithfully around for so long? Either kick them to the curb or cheat on them.

I think you have a good head on your shoulders with knowing that you don't want to get strung along or string someone else along. That said, going on dates couldn't hurt. I don't think you can really expect to feel something instantly if you haven't even done any "getting to know you" stuff with those guys.

It's not stringing along unless you enter into a relationship with someone you're not that interested in. It's fair game for dating to be for figuring out whether you want more dates with the person.

I think just opening yourself up to the possibility of meeting someone helps a lot. And realizing that love and relationships doesn't have to be like tv or movies - it doesn't have to be super dramatic or passionate - but can start with a friendship and develop into something else.

*raises hand*

Holy shiitake mushrooms, this is *totally* my story...except I'm a year older, and I have the opposite problem with guys: every guy I'm interested in [the ones that are actually nice, decent, smart and fun!] just doesn't like me, and I don't have any other prospects. Which just makes the situation more lame.

I'm open to a relationship, but just haven't found anyone that's really worth the time. Personally, I think I've come to terms with my/our predicament by finding another outlet for the frustration. Or conceding that maybe I'm just NOT cut out or meant to be with someone else.

I've tried to build myself up and define my own style, so that I know who I am, outside of what some *guy* (or any other person, for that matter) might think about me. You can be your OWN best companion, you know.

Dear you,

I know exactly how you feel because I'm in the same position. I'm 20, turning 21 in March and I've never had a boyfriend. I've actually had my first kiss last weekend to someone who I'm not dating, but one that I don't regret because the circumstances leading up to it was quite eventful and special.

I suppose the reason I'm writing is because I want my voice heard. I've done things to save face too. Unbelievably, I am one of the most 'experienced' simply because I know a lot about sex. I watch porn and like boys -- but do I have experience? No.

Don't get a boyfriend just to get one under the belt: you don't need to believe in Disney (aka prince charming) but you don't need to be so clinical either.

What I found has started to change me is to have confidence in yourself and do what YOU want. Meet people, go to parties... and while I do understand I might not know you at all, nor your likes dislikes personality, a private advice I'd like to share with you is...

Sometimes, don't listen to the little voice in your head. Don't listen to the blood rushing to your cheeks and the tension in your stomach. Push yourself and think: If this was a movie and you were the charming, lovely heroine.... would she do it? Could this work as a scene in your favorite movie?

I told you not to be clinical, and yet my advice might sound just like that... what I mean is, think of your life as a play. And yes, while you might not have control over the environment, you do have control over the events! For example, say you're at a party, and a guy talks to you. Someone whom you might be interested in: if normally you would treat everything as normal and keep things cool, think: in a movie, in your movie, would you smile a little bit longer, chew on your lip and wax rhapsodies about a music band you both like?

Then do it.

I dont have that much experience with men. I am 22, hardly date (ok, maybe I never date). Sometimes I get upset with myself for my lack of experience... but thats just the way it is. There are guys interested in me too, but they're ugly. It seems like the guys I like are the ones that NEVER like me...

WEll, I can sympathize. I wouldnt go out with anyone that you dont feel comfortable dating. Dont go on a date to "just have one under your belt." Listen to your heart... you dont want to lead a guy on. It wouldnt be fair to them.

I know everything happens for a reason, so just give it time. Just be yourself... thats all!

I agree with others that you shouldn't feel pressured to do anything you don't want to do.

That said, I would take the "getting one under your belt" comment this way... dating is just another experience in life that helps you figure out who you are, what is important to you, and what you want out of life, just like school, work experience, etc. I think it is much more than just trying to figure out what kind of guy you are compatible with.

I don't think there is anything wrong with dating different people at the same time, if you look at it as a way to meet people and get comfortable. Unfortunately in this day and age, there can be an expectation for pairing up and sex early in the dating process...my guess is that you are a bit timid about that, and worried about a guy's expectations. Don't be...just because you go out on a date with someone doesn't mean you have to be exclusive and sleep with him, or that he is your boyfriend. He is your date. Don't put pressure on yourself to make it more than it is, or more than you are ready for.

It is easy to read these boards and listen to your friends, and hear others' sexual experiences, first date sex, one night stands, etc. While ok for some, not everyone is comfortable with those things and that is ok... go at your own pace. Dating is supposed to be an enjoyable experience, just let it flow.

You are not leading someone on just because you accept a dinner or coffee date. If you date someone longer term that you are not excited about just to have a boyfriend, different story....THAT is stringing them along.

OMG im in the same situation only a little older, im 22 turning 23 next month and i never been kissed or had a boyfriend, i starting to feel like maybe no one is made for me or that i never going to know that special one, but i really hope to find someone to love an being loved.

Maybe we only had to wait a little longer and see what happend. My best of luck too you.

What about getting involved in organizations that do things you like? Bowling, astronomy, even basket weaving, if it floats your boat. Being in some sort of recreational group will allow you to be social with all kinds of people without that 800 lb. gorilla in the room (that of course being dating). Consider especially an activity that involves more than just your age group- older people will have already gotten through the novelty of dating, so they're not going to press the issue.

Wow- you're not alone. I've never dated, no serious kissing either. The guys that flirt with me are never the type I see myself with (and I also hate listening to my friends sexploits). When you are ready it will happen. We are young and have plenty of time for relationships. Though it gets lonely and frustrating I would rather wait than rush into something I will regret. Hope this helps.

I'm a little older than some of the previous posters and I just wanted to let you all know that when I was your age, I was in the exact same situation. It wasn't until my late twenties when things started to pick up for me. And you know what? I am sooo glad I never got together with the so-so guys when I was younger. Things are going really well for me with men now, it just took a little longer for things to happen. Since I didn't have boyfriends in my twenties, I spent a lot of time cultivating my own interests and traveling on my own. I even lived in Britain for five years. Now men think I'm really interesting and love the fact that I have accomplished so much. I've been out with four different men in the last 5 months and they have all been really nice. Sparks have flown with some of them! Sometimes things work out and sometimes they don't. Don't beat yourself up too much when things don't work. You can go on dates with people just to get to know them as people. You are not obligated to do anything you don't want to do. Just go with the flow, take it easy and trust your instincts. Things will get better for you, believe me! Just smile and be yourself.

I totally understand you, trust me! I'll share with you what i've learned.
Number One: Guys like girls with confidence. They can sense weakness so if your constantly thinking about this it shows your weak.
Number Two: Don't make a relationship or the thought of a relationship your world. You need to surround yourself with positive things that you can focus on. For example, a job that you enjoy, single friends, volunteer or even go back to school or something.
Number Three: Relationships suck anyways. Well not all the time but I mean the feeling after a relationship is ruined is the worst feeling ever so don't rush yourself into heartache.
Number Four: This is probably the best thing i've learned. When your looking for something you won't ever find it, but when you stop looking it finds you! Don't go out looking for a guy. Girl let them come to you.

Overall, just be a happy outgoing girl and live for yourself. The best guy for you will find you everything happens for a reason! They come when you least expect them to!

There's a lot more people in the same boat than you might think

What I suggest is, try to think more lightly about dating. Accepting to go on a few dates doesn't mean you have to start a relationship. Just say yes once in a while, in the worse case scenario you'll have a funny story to tell about the loser that asked you out!lol The point is to have fun, and I think it would help to build up your confidence. And like princesskj said, nothing attracts men more than confidence!

Don't worry, you'll find a nice guy that makes you happy, but don't be in such a rush. Who wants to be "practically married" at 21 anyway?

Good luck

hey! You are not alone. I've had some sexual experience but never a boyfriend and not too many dates. I think what the other users are saying is correct. Just stay positive and a great guy you like will come along! It just takes time and we are young, so waiting isn't too bad. I know how it feels to be frustrated when you see your friends with great boyfriends. Our day will come to, hopefully sooner than we think! Best of luck to you! Your post made me feel like I'm not alone, so thank you. There are other 21 year-olds out there with this problem.

I am 21 and single right now too, and I could be taken if I wanted to be. I don't date guys that I know I am not interestd in. I don't want to waste their time or mine. Don't date anyone you don't feel comfortable with. Dating somebody you are not into is horrible. You don't look forward to their calls, and you are miserable. I know what you mean by the pressure to have a boyfriend because of all of your friends do, but you have to stay true to yourself and do what is best for you.

I'm 27...and I've never had a boyfriend. But I have dated and had hookups but honestly never had someone that I wanted enough to stick around for a while. Does that make me weird? NO Does that make me different? NO. Lots of people in the world are in these same predicaments and they just aren't big enough to admit it. Don't let you friends tell you what to do...do you what you want to do. You'll like yourself more for it and you'll be a better person for not conforming to the standards that society has set.

If you want to hookup with a guy or just makeout with one go ahead. You won't be a slut for doing so. But again do what you WANT to do, what FEELS good for you.

And yes I do have a couple prospects but I'm on the fence about them. And am I hooking up with either one...NO. Because I'm doing what makes me happy. Whether one or the other will turn into a boyfriend...who knows. But I'm going to decide for me not for my friends. Hope that helps.

Wow it is such a relief to know I'm not the only young woman out there who has never had a boyfriend, or had a guy seriously interested in me! (but I have been kissed) I'm a college student, and I see lots of couples and cute guys, and wonder about what I'm missing out on. Is it me? I just keep telling myself that it'll happen when it happens, and I'm not going to go chase after a guy just to be able to tell other people what they want to hear. I do sometimes feel lonely and wish I had a boyfriend, but then I have to hear the "horror" stories from my friends who are in relationships, and think, man I'm glad I don't have to deal with that! Keep your chin up girl! You are not alone, and the right guy will come along! That's what I'm counting on!

You pretty much described me a year ago! I felt the exact same way. The best thing I did for myself was to open up more opportunities to meet people. I got a job part time that helped me stay busy after class. I realized I had too much time to think and analyze about every wrong thing in my life (instead of actually doing something about it!) I ended up becoming friends with other singles girls, which was such a breath of fresh air considering all my best friends got boyfriends. Going out to bars and clubs with them helped me feel more comfortable about meeting guys and flirting! Regardless, focus on whats best for YOU! If you're not truly happy or confident with yourself, guys aren't going to be attracted or interested. I wasn't going to meet the right guy by sitting at home, so I decided to put myself out there more and create the opportunity. I've now been dating this guy for 7 months! Making eye contact and smiling rally does go a long way! Sometimes, its that simple!

I know exactly what you are going through. I'm a 20 year old male and I have never had a kiss or been on a date. Girls have asked me out but I am not in to that yet. However, I know am getting close though. When our time comes we will know it. This is completely normal. I know this sounds lame but everyone reaches that stage when they are ready. As long you are happy there is nothing wrong with it.

I don't think anybody else mentioned it yet...but have you thought about whether or not you might be gay? There's nothing wrong with being 21 and single, but you did express a great lack of interest in the guys who do like you. Just a thought. It took me a while to figure out that's why the sparks don't fly between me and the guys.

You need to ask yourself, why you've never accepted to go on a date before? is it because it's a GUY who's asking? or just the particular guys who asked? I believe that dating is essential to finding one's self. You mention you wouldn't want to string someone along, but dating is sort of "trial and error". Everyone knows that when you go on a date it can go either way, the good dates will give you great memories, and possibly introduce a new wonderful person in your life. The bad dates, well they will give you knowledge on what you like and dislike, and what you want and don't want in a partner.
I say this because I was once in the same boat as you, but I soon realized that the "right" guys weren't asking me out because I wasn't letting them. By this I mean, because you know your situation, because you know you're the "never been kissed girl", you may be putting up a wall, and if I've learned anything is that most guys are scared, and they go for the "easy" girls because well they are "easy", they are receptive and open, they have smiles on their faces and will welcome them with open arms, so they will not face rejection.
I mean, what's the worse that could happen if you accepted an invitation from someone--girl or guy? You find a possible partner or you find out that you can never be with someone who doesn't have table manners?? Personally, I used to think that one can always adjust to someone else and you could get used to or accept many things in a partner. NOW, I know that there are some things that I just would never be able to take. such as him having poor table manners, having bad teeth, or that he takes everything too seriously. I can laugh at myself falling down, if he can't do the same, it'll never work.

I really hope you can go ahead and allow yourself to be open to the idea of meeting people and seeing where it leads -- not to "get one under your belt" but simply to get to know a little more about yourself. And truthfully, a first kiss, is never MAGICAL. Unless it's with someone you have a history and feeling for, it's usually awkward and you'll be nervous, and as with everything else, it usually helps you figure out what you like and don't like. I.E. if he's too aggresive or not aggresive enough.

While I've had S.O.'s in the past I completely understand where you're coming from. I don't meet people easily and have a hard time dating anyone. Your instincts are right on the money, not only would it be wrong to string someone along, it would be a disservice to yourself just to get someone under your belt. Also sex for women doesn't typically work that way, we have to be into our partners, even if it's nothing serious.

Own up to your innocence with your friends. There is nothing to be ashamed of. If they're really your friends they'll cater their stories to you, if not find some better friends.

Only thing you can to is wait and by wait I mean actively wait. I agree with another poster when she said to join a club or volunteer somewhere you have a lot of interest. You're more likely to find someone special surrounded by those who share your interests. Plus it's always a good way to meet like minded friends. Take care, it will happen if you want it.

Wow, a lot of great comments.

It's so true that a lot more adults than you might think are not that experienced. It's just that the people with more experience tend to be way more outspoken on the subject. So the many, many people who are not experienced stay quiet and feel like the lone freak.

It's important to note that there's a difference between going on a date with someone and being in a relationship with someone. Jazzytummy explained it really well in comment #11. And absolutely just because you go out on a date doesn't mean you have to have sex or get coupled up right away.

Anyway, my opinion on having dated (since 18 - some people might still consider me a late-bloomer considering this is all the way at the end of high school, oooh): it's not the be all and end all that some people make it out to be. It has its ups and downs and can be fun and cute or awkward and frustrating, just like most other things in life. Personally, I think there are plenty of other more worthwhile things a person can do with life. Like travel, create things, ponder the meaning of life... hee.

I'm not saying don't ever date - just don't sweat it so much, it's not as big a deal as it's made out to be. To some people, having someone is indeed their everything, but to be blunt, I think those people lack imagination.

well since i don't know too much about you, i might have to say that maybe your standards are a bit too high. i feel like maybe you do need to get at least one date under your belt, even if you don't think that the guy is right for you since you really need to at least see what it's like to go on a date with someone. if you're never trying it, then you're never going to find out what it is that you're doing wrong. maybe if you date someone, you'll see that they can give you a sense of what you need to do to find the right person.

the other piece is that maybe you're just not putting yourself in the right environment to find the kind of guy that you're looking to date. if you go to a bar, you're going to find the same kind of guy. maybe you should find a hobby, or class that you can take that will put you around different types and you'll find someone that you're actually interested in.

Please don't cave in to peer pressure and just be with some random guy whom you have no feelings for. Not only will you hurt yourself, but you might also hurt the other person. Be true to yourself, that's more important than anything else. And I'll smack my friends if they know I'm single, never been bedded, yet share all their bedroom romps with me. That's just not right. Next time, either tell them you're not interested in hearing, or leave the conversation.

I've been in the same situation when I was in college. In my group of friends, all of them were attached except me. I admit that I did feel a little pressurized to just find a guy to be my boyfriend, and my friends were also trying to pair me up with guys they think are good for me (but i don't feel so). I went out with a few guys on dates but somehow, either I don't feel anything toward them, or the other way around. I still remembered telling my friends not to matchmake me with another guy because I'm contented being single - I don't need to report to anyone, I can go club and have fun with other guys without strings attached, and I have more free time for myself to do the things I want.

Take it easy. try dating a couple of guys just to see if anything works. And I agree with comment #11 on the whole dating thing.

I have this problem but I have a lot of guy friends who later down the road say, "I was afraid you'd reject me." I think that sometimes we as women forget how powerful we are. So I would just say, take your time - you are young! It happens and then all of a sudden, when you're not looking, you find a good one!

I'm basically your polar opposite-I haven't been single for longer than a year since I was 15(I'm 28), but I'm going to give you my opinion regardless because I think it could be beneficial considering our differences in this arena.
DO date different types of people. Just because you don't instantly feel a connection doesn't mean there could never be anything there. The first few times I went out with my boyfriend I wasn't even sure if he was my "type" so to speak, and then after the third or fourth date I said "Hey! This guy is pretty amazing!" and we've been together ever since. You need to give people a chance. Not every relationship is love at first sight. Dating is a very good way to get experience with relationships and it will also benefit you in the future when you meet the right person.You wouldn't be "stringing someone along" if you're honest and up front with them from the get-go by stating your casual-dating intentions. Most guys in their 20's are completely okay with that. In fact, that's what most of them are looking for. Go out a few times, have fun, and then go your separate ways. You might even make a few new friends!
As for the awkward sex-talk bit, laugh people off and tell them you aren't interested in hearing about their dirty secrets, or change the topic. There are plenty of ways to avoid those conversations without having to lie to a pal.
So, my advice, in a nutshell:Go out, meet new people, and have fun. You are sure to meet someone interesting along the way. Just make sure you are open-minded and open-hearted. And never judge a book by it's cover!

You'd be surprised to see how many women are in the same boat. I'm 26. I date. I've had boyfriends. But still haven't found the one I'd like to spend the rest of my life yet. And I'm not going to sacrifice myself just because everyone around me is getting married or engaged or what have you. I don't want to marry someone without knowning myself first... because the last thing I want is to marry the wrong guy and then get divorced. As for people talking to you about their sex life, you can always say you don't want to hear it. Or change the topic. Or ignore it.

Use this time to get to know yourself. Don't be in a rush to get into a relationship just because everyone else is. You really are young... 21 is just the beginning of what's to come. Learn who you are and be able to stand on your own two feet. Plus, take this into consideration: women mature faster than men. It's a fact... the guys you are probably dating are still young and naive. (Well I've met some 30-somethings that still are!) Give them a little time to catch up to themselves. You may find in a few years you like someone would have never given a second glance to 2 years ago. And if it makes you feel better, I read an article last week saying that the average age for marrige is 26 for women and 30 for men now.

I'm not saying there aren't times I don't feel lonely and wish for someone... cause I do. But I'm proud knowing that I'll be ready to give my heart and myself when the right guy for me comes along.

I'm seeing all these response, and i thought i was the only one who felt the way you did, i'm glad to know that i'm not the only one who feels this way. I was 21 when i got my first kiss, so i know how you feel. The other day, my friends were talking about their sex stories, and i felt alittle uncomfortable, so i just got up and left, pretending i was going outside for a phone call or to go to the bathroom. I'm not ashamed that i haven't been in that kinda relationship, i'm just haven't felt comfortable enough and haven't found the right guy. I've been single basically all my life, and i'm not dependent on the guy, but he was on me, and that drove me nuts. I went into the relationship, because it was something new cuz i had never gotten that kinda of attention from a dude. So that was one reason i went into that relationship, i had to end it cuz i didnt' like where it was going. He was ready to go all the way and i wasn't and his friends kept instigating it, he needed to respect me( yea he said he would wait, but for how long, only after a month of dating he was already to do the business), sorry i just wasn't into that, I respect myself too much and my morals. I'm way happier being single, so i don't have to deal with all that BS you know. I'm just grateful to have family and friends around. I know one day a guy will come along and it will be great:)