Yeah, I don't like it.
But luckily for me my guy doesn't go to strip clubs. He sees sexuality as a private thing. He doesn't discuss our sex lives with his friends, when sex comes up in public he doesn't usually talk openly about it. I totally respect that and am glad that he respects me enough to not go blabbing to his friends about every detail. He told me once that he doesn't like strip clubs that they aren't his thing. Well, he knows that I don't like the idea of him going to one so I asked him if he was just saying that for me and he told me no. He said that even if we weren't together he wouldn't go to one. He views sexuality as a private thing. And I think I totally understand where he is coming from. It is a private thing (and I think so too).

Oh and on a side note... I love the shoes in that picture.
Any idea on where to get them or similar ones?

i hate the idea of strip clubs. i won't apologize for feeling that way, either. call me a prude but i believe nudity coupled with sexuality should be a private thing. it bothered me when my boyfriend joked about having a membership card to one of the local strip joints (before me)...luckily, i don't think he goes anymore but he watches porn (which i don't like either). i think he would feel the same if the roles were reversed...

I know guys are just really visual, and that going to strip clubs allegedly doesn't mean that a guy is not attracted to a girlfriend, but I just have a huge problem with it. We're bombarded with sexual images all the time anyway - why would a guy with a girlfriend/wife have to go out of his way, and spend a lot of money, just to see the kind of sluts that are in movies all the time anyway? I would not stay with a guy who did this. I don't need MORE things in my life telling me I'm not good enough; our visual culture is doing a fine job already.

I wouldn't stand for this...ever. I think it's disgusting.

I'm so lucky! My boyfriend actually doesn’t like strip clubs at all. I mean he loves naked ladies just like the next guy, but he thinks wasting money at those places is stupid (DUH lol). Anyhow, we have talked about it and like I mentioned to him, I wouldn’t mind it on a very special occasion situation, like a bachelor’s party or birthday – one a once a year MAYBE basis lol. Sometimes guys get invited to certain things and you don’t want to make him feel emasculated because he HAS to say no. But so far nothing - his closest friends are not very into it either. His best friend actually just got married and they did a hunting trip to Michigan instead of a Bachelor party and my bf mentioned that when our time comes, he might want to do the same. =)

I would much much rather have my boyfriend go to a strip club than to college bars!

well i have the opposite problem. i am a stripper, so its usually the boyfriends not liking me going to the clubs haha.

My fiance does not really like the strip clubs very much. I don't have a problem with it at all, except I don't think I'd be ok with it if he got lap dances, that would be crossing the line I think. But I am have been with a girl before, so I like looking at the naked women too. Women are beautiful. Usually I would go with a couple of girlfriends, good times had by all. I think women need to chill out about this. (Unless your guy goes all the time or like leers at the girls, that would be creepy). However, where I live in British Columbia, Canada the women do not walk around or try to solicit lap dances. I think that if a woman can go and appreciate another woman's beauty, then a man would be impressed. It's not like he's cheating on you. Besides, going to male strippers is way more 'hands on' if you know what I mean.

I guess I am in the minority here...I would have absolutely NO PROBLEM with my bf going to a strip club. I am sure that samischo would agree, for the ladies working there, IT IS A JOB - they are not there to try and steal your bf, husband, whatever - they are there to make a living!! I think girls that have a problem with their bfs going to strip clubs need to get over themselves and figure out what it is that is making them so insecure. Or, better yet, actually *GO* to one and see what really goes on there.

I'd do what Dear advised and have a talk with my guy just to find out what the deal is with him going to the strip club. I find talking about these things erases all my worries etc. when boundaries are set...like no lap dances, but go ahead and have a good time type of thing.

Most dudes I know don't really like them.

Sydney C I think it's quite harsh to tell everyone to "get over themselves". All relationships are different. I don't think I need to "get over myself" if I am not comfortable with my man spending $ and time over some other woman's breasts when he has perfectly good ones (actually damn good ones) at home. Like I said, I would be fine with a special occasion thing because then it's more about the event or socializing. I am not ok with it on an ongoing basis. And FYI i know plenty of men that have dated strippers and even though it's their "job", most people meet the people they date at work... But in my case, it's more about my comfort level and our quality time spent doing things I find unacceptable for our relationship than fear of cheating.

am i the only one who just goes with the hubby? once you've seen one...you've seen them all. he doesn't go anymore, he began to see the business end of it, and got bored with it.

i'm with Janine22 - my rule has always been, you can go and look but you can't touch
none of my boyfriends have ever been super into strip clubs, but when it's a guys night, someone else's birthday, your man's birthday, or a bachelor party, i don't expect him to stand up to 10 guys and say "uh, i can't go, my girlfriend won't let me" - i expect that he'll go and be respectful...looking is okay, it's just like porn, but touching (ie: lap dances) are totally crossing the line when you're in a relationship...

to think he wouldn't go when all his buddies have a plan is crazy, and it would often mean he will be lying to you to tell you what you want to hear and go anyway

I don't really care either way. It's just a fantasy. I wouldn't want my fiance going every weekend, but I wouldn't care if he went every once in awhile. I'd even go with him if he wanted. I just don't see why it's a big deal.

My blood is boiling! I don't usually get angry about these posts but argh! The reply has got me riling.

I can't believe that a WOMAN has stated "boys will be boys". I'm sorry, at what point in our development did we bring "unrelenting misogyny" to the acceptability table?

Strip clubs are not HARMLESS fun. They put their dancers/workers through all kinds of brutal treatments. Girls are forced to hand over large amounts of their "takings" and often find it hard to leave the business for fear of managers/pimps/johns coming after them.

You CANNOT guarantee that the girl who is gyrating around in front of you is doing it a) out of choice and b) with adequate job protection.

Strip clubs can be seen as merely a spring board into pornography/prostitution. It was Jenna Jameson (remember her?) who said that many amateur pornography stars/prostitutes are found in the sex industry and they begin with non-contact jobs such as stripper. Do I need to tell you what kind of a life a prostitute leads?

Oh, seriously. It is /not/ acceptable to just sit back and let your man go and crap all over your standing in society as a woman. Seriously.

@fluffyhelen:

Strip clubs are not HARMLESS fun. They put their dancers/workers through all kinds of brutal treatments. Girls are forced to hand over large amounts of their "takings" and often find it hard to leave the business for fear of managers/pimps/johns coming after them.

So, in that argument, a strip club's treatment of their female employees is just as bad as Walmart's. I assume you don't shop there.

Strip clubs can be seen as merely a spring board into pornography/prostitution.

SO WHAT! The girls are dancing there by choice! If they want to be porn stars, then good for them!

I'm with Jessie, I've gone with my SO in a group of friends; it's not a big deal.

And skigurl, I really don't know any strip clubs where the guys can touch the girls.

This is nothing to get upset about. Most strippers are gross anyway. The only thing I would be mad at my SO about is all the money these damn things cost.

samischo - Question for you... Alot of girls here are saying thank god that their boys don't like to go to strip clubs... do you think it's true?

No offense to all yours dearsuger readers, I am just courious.

Tidalwave you are right. I've been to many a strip clubs and there is ALWAYS the no touching rule in place - I don't care how much money you throw at them. And I stand by my earlier statement - if my boyfriend forbid me to go somewhere (like many girls seem to do with their bfs and husbands) he would have another thing coming!! And I also agree with some of the earlier posts - most guys find them to be pretty boring or a waste of money - my bf included, but IF he did want to go, for a bachelor party or whatever else - that's his perogative and I'm not going to tell him no.

I have a weird opinion about strip clubs, in that I am pro-sex industry but strip clubs are sad places. There is always this weird anger in them. The men resent the women they can't touch and the women resent the men for objectifying them. Maybe not at first, but eventually. I just don't understand the appeal. Why would you go and give so much money to girls you don't get to touch? Why not just find a professional and not go home frustrated?

You know what? I've never thought the "boys will be boys" explanation was OK. A man who respects women is not going to get his jollies at a strip club. I really think women have to stop lowering their expectations and putting up with this sort of thing. To each her own, but if a guy I dated habitually went to strip clubs, he'd be free to keep doing so — but he wouldn't be able to keep dating me in the meantime.

Jessie, I've gone with my husband, too. He doesn't go to them regularly, he's been about 5 times in his life. Besides, I took some pole dancing/lap dance lessons and do it for him at home - he likes that MUCH better!

Bella, I don't think the 'boys will be boys' excuse flies either.

It's in human nature for boys to look? They are visual? ok... well it is in human nature to judge, to lie, to do all kinds of bad things. Are those things ok b/c it is in human nature to do so?

I would never be okay with this. Not even as an occasional thing. Thankfully my husband isn't into it either.

And Bella, you're right...wayyyyy too many women lower their expectations and think they should be "okay" with this kind of stuff.

If you're not comfortable with it, speak up!

i actually think it's fun to go to a strip club with the guys, especially my boyfriend.
the looks on their faces when they get lapdances are hilarious.
it really is more about fun and relieving stress than infidelity

@Tidalwave - you have no understanding of the industry then. I pro-actively work in campaigns to help women OUT of the sex industry. Why would I shop at Walmart? I wasn't aware Walmart employees were beaten and threatened by their bosses even if I did. O.o

"Men are visual creatures" well, that's fine. Nowhere in "visual" do they need to objectify and disrespect women. NOWHERE.

I don't think this is generally an issue of infidelity; obviously, most men don't actually sleep with the strippers they pay to see. The problem is that it encourages a very wrong view of women and sexuality, and creates an environment in which it is very difficult for a wife or girlfriend to live up to the ensuing expectations.

If a man is seeing these women as existing for his entertainment and gratification, naturally, that sort of thinking will begin to take root in his mind. He will have trouble accepting his real-life partner as a whole person with a full range of thoughts, emotions, responsibilities, and capabilities, and resent her for acting as such. He may even think he "deserves" a stripper and shouldn't have to put up with a woman who is ever tired, out of shape, or not in the mood to please him.

At the very least, it's not okay for a guy in a relationship to go out of his way to see naked girls other than the one he's chosen to be with. Even if the things described above somehow don't happen, he's still making it pretty stinkin' hard for his woman to feel good about herself.

@FluffyHelen: Walmart manager's delete overtime from the computers and men get a disportionate amount of promotions compared to women.

I make the comparison because these are things that had to be investigated to come to light. Whereas, you have to be an idiot to think that being a stripper is a "safe" lifestyle.

i am not completely against strip clubs- as long as its not a regular event! if my guy went once or twice a year with the guys or for a bachelor party- i have no problem with it. now the fact that the guy i'm dating now has a history of dating strippers and can't go to any strip clubs in about an hour radius without knowing someone stripping? o yes that i have a small problem with lol

I'm in the minority, too. I've offerred to go to strip clubs with my husband when were dating and married. He declined, as he doesn't patron strip clubs, but I've bought up the idea.

In my past, I've visited some really nice strip clubs, and I was impressed. The dancers were talented and provocative. I was with a group of my guy friends, and the dancers were protective OF ME. One of the girls danced up close to me, and asked,"Are they forcing you to be here??" She motioned her head towards my guy friends. She continued,"You don't have to be here if you're uncomfortable!" She was truly concerned for me. She was so sweet! Of course, I told her I was there on my own free will, and complimented her on her dancing (she was really good). Afterwards, a few of the dancers hung-out with us. Overall, I had a good impression of strip clubs and dancers. They're not bad.

I don't see anything wrong with my man going to a strip club with the guys as long as its not on a regular basis and he follows the rules. Now if he went alone and frequently then we might have issues

"Strip clubs are not HARMLESS fun. They put their dancers/workers through all kinds of brutal treatments. Girls are forced to hand over large amounts of their "takings" and often find it hard to leave the business for fear of managers/pimps/johns coming after them.

You CANNOT guarantee that the girl who is gyrating around in front of you is doing it a) out of choice and b) with adequate job protection."

fluffyhelen: I don't know what clubs you have been to or where you heard this from, but all of my managers and bouncers have been hilarious, fun guys. They always respected me, and they made sure customers treated me with the same respect. The one time a customer touched me inappropriately, they threw him out immediately. I have never felt unsafe.

Yes, I have to rent out the stage for the night, but giving the club back $100 isn't so hard when I'm walking out with another $500 in my hand.

Almost all the girls I work with do it because its great money. Plus we love dancing and showing off. Dancing for 6 hours straight has given me the best body I've ever had. The only complaint we would have is sometimes having to dance with dirty old men. But even then, we can choose if we want to dance with someone or not.

So if you're talking from personal experience, then I'm sorry, you need to find a better club. If not, get your facts straight before you run your mouth. Its because of people like you strippers have a bad name. You make it sound like we're abused, pathetic, dirty women, and you couldn't be more wrong.

On a separate note, most guys who come in are just lonely, sad guys who want company, or have been going through a hard time. The other ones are just young and looking to have fun. And yeah some guys don't like strip clubs because its just a big tease and girls will try to hustle them for money the whole time.

AMEN BELLASUGAR and everyone who agrees with her. The "boys will be boys" excuse is a bunch of bull sh*t! Excuse the language, but it really is. I can't believe girls will sit back and take that crap. Guess what!? I'm a girl and I am extremely visual, I'm a visual learner, I remember things by looking at pictures, I am good at photography because I notice lighting, arrangement etc. about things around me naturally etc. etc. etc. And since when does that make it ok for me to have fun with male "dancers" or to admire every hot guy that walks by "just because I am a visual person"!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????

Since when do I have to completely respect the guy I am with even though I am a visual person but he doesn't have to respect me because he is a visual person!?!?

And guys are not all visual!!! They, just like every human regardless of sex, can be different, they can be visual, auditory, or kinesthetic learners...(and of course that doesn't only apply to learning things) but you know what? I would bet money that every guy has used the stupid excuse that "boys will be boys, (because they are all visual apparently) at least once in their life. What a bunch of crap.

And it would be pretty funny to see how many boys (pretty much all of them) will have a hissy fit and get pissed off if "their" girl EVER went to a club like that for women. Stupid double standards!!!!! And some people still think sexism doesn't exist anymore!!!

Girls need to quit making excuses for guys to be disrespectful to us!!! If none of us did that they would all stop because none of the jerks would ever get anything from a girl, much less have a girlfriend.

If a woman has a problem with a guy visiting strip clubs, dump him. I wouldn't expect a guy to change for me, so if I have a problem with him, I have to make a decision.

I don't think there's anything wrong with strip clubs. I think strippers are more respectable than prostitutes, and prostitutes are significantly more respectable than the wh*res in high school and college that give it up for free. However, I certainly wouldn't want my man looking elsewhere for his jollies.

If I can't satisfy him, and he wants to see a new and different woman every day, either in porn or at a strip club, then I am not the one for him.

jillerin, my sentiments exactly!!

Ugh, I just wrote a blog on this. Check out my blog Boyfriend, Girlfriends and Strippers.

Thats how I feel.

Get over yourselves, ladies. It's not "lowering your standards" just because you dont get all freaked out about your man going to see strippers. These women who think its cheating and sh!t are just insecure and think that these strippers are their man's ideal woman and that he is going to up and leave you for someone teensy tiny with gigantic fake breasts. If you're dating a guy who would leave you because he went to a strip club then you probbaly shouldnt be dating him in the first place.

Ugh.

Read my blog post.

I go to Strip clubs WITH my boyfriend. And both male and female friends, for that matter. Most strip clubs are not dirty holes in the walls with beaten employees as often portrayed in films. They're really just like bars with half-naked dancing women. If you're comfortable with your own sexuality, comfortable with your boyfriend's commitment and you don't have a stick up your bum in general, it can be a really fun place to socialize. I think some people just need to change their perspectives and get over their own cruel biases.

I'd either go with him and make fun of the ugly, old strippers or I'd give him a personal strip show once in a while and ask him to not go.

ok and i'm sorry, i just have to say something. "old ugly strippers?" i'm 19 and i'm definitely not ugly. i agree that you should give him a private show instead, but stop being so f'ing stereotypical and judgmental. we're people too.